Should I feel offended if my daughters don’t offer to make me supper when I’m upstairs?

Living in a shared space with family members can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings, especially when it comes to shared responsibilities like cooking. If you’re a parent who often cooks for your adult children but doesn’t receive the same in return, you might be wondering if you should feel offended. This is a complex issue that depends on various factors, including your family dynamics, communication, and expectations. Let’s delve into this topic to provide some clarity and guidance.

Understanding Family Dynamics

Every family has its unique dynamics, which can significantly influence how members interact with each other. If your daughters have grown up in a household where you’ve always taken the lead in cooking, they might not realize that you expect them to reciprocate now. It’s also possible that they view the upstairs unit as their separate space and don’t think to invite you for meals they prepare there.

Importance of Communication

Communication is key in any relationship, including those between parents and adult children. If you feel hurt by your daughters’ actions, it’s essential to express your feelings to them. They might not be aware that their behavior is causing you distress. Open, honest communication can help clear up any misunderstandings and set the stage for a more balanced sharing of responsibilities.

Setting Expectations

It’s important to set clear expectations when living with adult children. If you want them to share the cooking duties, make this known. Discuss how you can divide the responsibilities fairly. Maybe you can establish a cooking schedule or take turns preparing meals. Remember, it’s not about keeping score but about fostering a sense of mutual respect and cooperation.

Respecting Boundaries

While it’s natural to want to share meals with your children, it’s also important to respect their independence. They might appreciate having their own space and time to cook and eat meals. If this is the case, try not to take it personally. Instead, look for other ways to spend quality time together.


In conclusion, feeling offended if your daughters don’t offer to make you supper when you’re upstairs is a valid emotion, but it’s crucial to approach the situation with understanding and open communication. Discuss your feelings and expectations with your daughters, respect their independence, and work together to create a living arrangement that works for everyone. Remember, the goal is not just shared meals, but a harmonious and loving relationship.